Imagine that before your divorce you are putting all your time into your career. Your spouse works part time and looks after the kids or takes care of household duties. The arrangement may be temporary or it may be long-term, but after divorce, it likely will look different. It’s probable that you will live separately from your partner and you won’t be able to maintain this division of labor. You may have to travel further to see your kids, and set aside specific times of the week to see them, rather than be more flexible as your work demands. On the other hand you and your partner may both prioritize your career. You may both struggle with giving up your time in divorce and resent giving too much.
Issues You May Face
All of this calls for negotiation not only with your spouse, but also with your employer (or employees, investors or shareholders). Because divorce doesn’t happen in a vacuum, mediation focuses on planning a sustainable future by taking a realistic survey of the present. Whether you like it or not, you are probably going to take your divorce to work with you. Some of the obstacles you might face include:
– Traveling further to be with your kids. Pick-up and drop-off schedules impacting your work schedule.
– The issue of privacy if you and your partner work in the same company together
– What if you are the boss? How can you balance your responsibilities to your employees and ex-partner and/or kids?
– What if you’re in a job where you’re on call or work longer shifts (this may be an issue for medical professionals)?
– Changing your work schedule or needing to go part-time temporarily.
– Confrontation with superiors/investors/board members/shareholders.
– How honest should you be about your divorce, particularly if it is having an impact on your emotional health?
How Mediation Can Help You Cope With Work After Divorce
At Boileau Conflict Solutions we have backgrounds in psychology, mathematics and the law. Our mathematical approaches to conflict resolution attempt to balance different interests by utilizing strategies like game theory. We understand that couples often struggle to quantify their contributions to a marriage when some are financial, some practical, others emotional. We also welcome cooperation with other divorce professionals such as financial or behavioral health professionals.
Divorce mediation can help by:
– Suggesting methods of negotiation and non-confrontational communication to manage your relationship at work and integrate the new reality of divorce into your work situation.
– Helping divorcing partners to understand and value each-others’ contributions to the marriage so that they can agree how to support each other’s careers and/or childcare duties. Your ex-partner may consider you selfish for focusing on your career, but your future earnings may benefit your kids or maintain your spouse’s standard of living if spousal support is needed.
– Helping you cope with the emotional impact of divorce by integrating psychoanalytical techniques or working with mental health professionals to support your mental health and help you function at work.
– Reducing conflict and making it easier to get through your divorce and find your new normal at work.
– Mediation is confidential, reducing the harm and stress caused by revelations or gossip about your personal situation.
– Court dates and hearings are arbitrarily imposed whereas mediation sessions can be chosen at times that don’t interfere with work.
– Using strategic and mathematical ways (such as fair division mathematics) of working out how to pay for more childcare (for example if one partner has to go back to work), home help or other support services.
At Boileau Conflict Solutions we are available 7 days a week and at urgent notice in crisis situations. Please contact us via Skype or Zoom or visit us at our offices in Boulder CO, Irvine, CA and Campbell, CA to see how we can help.
Our partners at 3 Riverz Creative offer a design service that can help you simplify your life when you move into a new space after divorce. Please visit their website for more details.